Harry Potter And The Sorcerers Stone
by greendayxfan5
Summary: Like a freaking parody ok?i dont own any of the characters so don't be bitchin
1. Harry Is Saved By Hagrid!

1**HARRY POTTER AND THE SORCERERS STONE**

**CHARACTERS**

Harry Potter

Harrys Dad

Harrys Mom

Harrys Fat Little Brother

Hagrid

Hermoine

Ron

Snape

Dumbeldore

Voldemort

AND MUCH MORE

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**Dad: **Harry get your lazy ass up!

**Harry:** Shut up its summer!

**Dad: **You stupid fuck wash my car or I'll take away your room

**Harry: **FINE!

_Harry washes car._

**Fat Little Brother:** Mom and dad love me better you stupid orphan

_Harry throws a midget at the fatass._

**Fat Little Brother: **cryingI'm telling mom!

**Harry: **Tell her and Ill tell dad you ate his chicken

_Fat Little Brother runs away crying._

_**

* * *

**_

_**Later That Night**_

_Hagrid Busts into Harrys House_

**Harry: **in chinese voice ITS GODZILLA!

**Hagrid: **No My Name is Hagrid I have come to take you away to magic school. Your parents were wizards Harry, and they left you behind a fortune. That scar on your forehead is the mark that Voldemort the evil wizard gave you when he killed your parents

**Harry:** ...

**Hagrid: **...

**Harry: ROAR!** THESE PIG FUCKERS TOLD ME THAT MY PARENTS WERE POOR LITTLE HOMELESS AND THAT THEY WERE EATEN BY COYOTES

**Hagrid: **...

**Harry: **...

**Fat Little Brother: **...

**Mom: **...

**Dad: **...

**Banana: **ITS PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME!

_Everyone squisshes the dumb banana_

**Harry: **...

**Hagrid: **OMG LETS GO ALREADY!

**Harry: **Ok Bye Fags


	2. Coming To School!

1**CHAPTER 2**

**Disclaimer:** You know I work hard to make you people laugh so it would be nice for a review u pansies!

AWESOME 3 UPDATES IN 1 DAY!

**ON THE TRAIN HEADING TO** **HOGWARTS**

_Harry Climbs into the compartment_ _to see a freaky orange haired kid_

**Kid: **Hi I'm Ron

**Harry:** Im Harry Wanna be best friends for the story but have a fight because I fall in love with you sister in the 6th book.

**J.K. Rowling** Are you retarted or just Blonde? You Gave away half my bloody story

**Harry: **If thats half the book must suck.

**J.K. Rowling: **You are so bloody fired.

**Harry:** IM SORRY. Please Don't Fire me I gotta work hard to support my 3 little spiders.

**J.K. Rowling:** What do u mean spiders?

**Harry: **Oh long story, but in short I wasn't getting any action so I fucked a spider and it had kids

**J.K. Rowling: **...

**Ron: **...

_Harry turns on his Cd player._

Can You Tell Me How To Get

How To Get To Sesame Street

_J.K. Rowling Walks Away_

**_Ron:_** Hey Do You Want This Ant Cocaine?

**Harry: **Why ant cocaine?

**Ron:** The cocaine is shaped like ants and they move!

_Harry Sniffs The Cocaine_

**Harry: **laughing Im gonna touch your Ding Dong Rocket

**Ron: **...

_Compartment door opens and a girl comes in._

_The girl takes off all her clothes and has sex with Ron and Harry... at the same time._

**Ron: **Your that slut Hermoine aren't you.

**Hermoine: **Don't call me a slut you horse.

**Ron: **YOU JUST DID US AT THE SAME TIME DUDET!

**Hermoine: **Fine I'm a bit slutty...

**Harry: **...

_Train arrives at Hogwarts._

_Theres Moaning Every Where._

**Harry: **Whats that moaning.

**Hermoine: **Oh thats the testing vibrator.

**Testing Vibrator: **I sing this song.

See where you belong

I go Up Your Butt.

Just like Hermoine that slut.

**Dumbeldore: **Next up is Ron.

**Testing Vibrator: **GRIFFONDOR!

**Dumbledore: **Next Hermoine the slut

**Hermoine: **If stop calling me a slut I'll give you a blowjob

**Testing Vibrator: **GRIFFONDOR!

**Dumbledore: **Next is HARRY POTTER

_Everyone starts whispering_

**Kid 1:** I heard his parents got killed by Voldemort

**Kid 2:** I heard he killed HIS PARENTS!

**Kid 3: **I heard he takes teeth from under kids pillows at night.

**Kid 1:** THATS THE TOOTH FAIRY YOU DIP SHIT!

_Testing Vibrator crawls up inside Harrys Ass_.

**Harry: **Please put me in Griffondor I don't want to be with that fag Draco Malfoy.

**Testing Vibrator: **Your dick is long like a snakes, but your ass firm and strong like a griffin.

**Testing Vibrator:** FINE GRIFFONDOR!

**Harry:** Yay I got in with you guys

**Ron: **Harry meet my 2 brother, they're gay drag queens.

**Harry: **DON'T TOUCH ME!

_Harry runs into a wall has a seizure and gets his leg bit off by an angry midget._

**_TO BE CONTINUED_**.


	3. Voldemorts Sexual Desires!

1**Harry Potter Part 3**

I updated this story.

Haha

finally.

I bet your all wondering whats gonna happen.

I don't own harry potter or any of the characters!!

**Voldemort: **Sex slaves come here.

**Lucius Malfoy:** Sir we're the death eaters.

**Voldemort:** That's not what you said last night when...

**Lucius Malfoy**: LALALALA yes master we are the sex slaves.

**Voldemort: **Ok now I'm really... horny ,so we're gonna go buttrape Harry.

**Lucius Malfoy:** But the School is being guarded by Dementors.

**Voldemort: **No that's in the third book when Harry's uncle escapes from Azkaban.

**J.K. Rowling:** Do you bloody pig fuckers listen to a thing I say! I SAID DON'T GIVE AWAY THE STORY.

**Voldemort: **That's not what you said last night when...

**J.K. Rowling: **COUGH COUGH ok on with the story!

**Reader: **Voldemort must be a pimp!

**Voldemort: **You know I can't wait till I get to harry sooo..

_Voldemort takes turns fucking the Death Eaters..._

**Random Death Eater: **But sir you just made me pregnant.

_**BACK IN SCHOOL**_

**Harry: **I can't wait for Hagrids class.

**Hagrid: **Today's letter of the day is L!!

**Little Kids: **YAY!!!!!!

**Harry: **THAT'S SESAME STREET YOU FAGGOT!

**Hagrid: **Well I Fucked Your Mother!

**TO BE CONTINUED!**


End file.
